Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
|
|
4:43 am - i've become so numb
|
i don't know how how've i've gotten to the point i am at... i've let everyone and everything slip away. I just realized today i've lost everyone... I'm hundreds of miles froom anything or anyone that has meant anything to me. i'm out on my own, i'm so tired, worn out. in so much distress. i've fallen apart, my school, my friends, my heart its all a wreck. i'm so not receptive at all totally block everything out i dont know whats wrong, i just keep hoping everyday that fate will kick in and somehow save me nd take me away from where i am now. everyday i see other people's lives all their problems and all their gifts. they may be worse off than me bu yet i am so envious. i dont know where i am going as long as its not here not now not alone.. i need help
current mood:  numb
current music: it dies today...
|
|
(11 Wishes | *Make a Wish* )
|
|
Friday, August 6th, 2004
|
|
3:13 am - Shot Through My Heart
|
It's been about 6 or 7 months since i've made any real contact with anyone. Somehow i've managed to let myself slip into some insane depression. Since Matt left me in January i havnt talked to anyone, havnt met anyone, havnt wanted to. I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I have to go back to rhode island in a few weeks. I dont know what more to say.
I have not decided if i believe in fate. I guess only the future will hold that answer.
current mood:  depressed
current music: DC- so long sweet summer
|
|
(1 Wish | *Make a Wish* )
|
|
Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
|
|
11:17 pm - =(
|
|
|
Thursday, October 16th, 2003
|
|
12:22 am - Stupid Quiz
|
A - Act your age: i act way too old for my age
B - Boy who's just a friend: who knows
C - Chore you hate: putting laundry away
D - Dad's name: Dale
E - Essential item: watch
F - Favorite actor: orlando bloom oh legolas!
G - Gold or silver: Silver
H - Hometown: Jefferson NJ
I - Instruments you can play: used to play drums and clarinet
J - Job title: furture MD
K - Kids: no thanks
L - Living arrangements: I live in my own house alone.. lonely
M - Mom's name: Judy
N - Number of people you've slept with: 2
O - Overnight hospital stays: tonsils
P - Phobia: jumping & peaches
Q - Quote you like: "Well shit the bed"
R - Religious affiliation: raised catholic
S - Siblings: none
T - Time you wake up: 950 for class everyday
U - Unique habit: Dunno
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: peas
W - Worst habit: nail biting
X - X-rays you've had: alot i'm a klutz
Y - Yummy food you make - coffee
Z - Zodiac Sign - virgo
current mood:  groggy
current music: money makes the world go around
|
|
( *Make a Wish* )
|
|
Sunday, August 24th, 2003
|
|
5:42 pm - Happy Birthday
|
YAY I'm 19! I'm getting ready to move out for school. I dyed my hair brown and thats about it!
current mood:  busy
current music: Keepsake
|
|
(7 Wishes | *Make a Wish* )
|
|
Wednesday, August 13th, 2003
|
|
12:58 am - Light or Dark?
|
|
|
|
12:57 am - Me being a Faggot
|
|
|
Thursday, August 7th, 2003
|
|
12:44 am - Ponderous Moments
|
My life has dwindled down to just me. Since I moved I have notseen any of my friends nor have I met anyone new. Its just me, myself, and I. My day consists of me getting up between 1 and 2, drinking a cup of coffee, while I do a stupid wordsearch. Then I go on the computer for a couple hours until dinner. Eat go back on the computer, watch tv, and go to bed for it all to start over again. I am extremely Lonely and depressed. My mom asked me what was so horrible about life. She said you are going away to college, starting your future medical career, you have a bright future ahead of you. But what is life with just school, a job, and nothing else. Perhaps when I go away to school things will change, maybe not. All I know is I dont want to be where I am right now.
current mood:  frustrated
current music: Blood Has Been Shed
|
|
(1 Wish | *Make a Wish* )
|
|
Thursday, July 31st, 2003
|
|
8:00 pm
|
I went to my first show in about a year on tuesday. I went to see senses fail, boys night out, and transparent. It was alright but i'm going to conclude that RI people blow and so do their shows. I wanna go back to jersey!
current mood:  blank
|
|
(3 Wishes | *Make a Wish* )
|
|
Thursday, July 24th, 2003
|
|
11:17 pm
|
|
|
|
11:05 pm
|
|
|
|
11:02 pm - quizzes
|
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
|
|
( *Make a Wish* )
|
|
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003
|
|
1:10 am
|
You represent... loneliness.
Always alone and always sad about it... unlike
angst, you don't have to look for a reason to
be miserable. You want to be in the company of
people but aren't sure how to act when you're
with them. Sometimes you have to make an
effort. You can't always wait for others to
come to you.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
current mood:  drained
|
|
(2 Wishes | *Make a Wish* )
|
|
Tuesday, April 29th, 2003
|
|
9:08 pm - Much better
|
It's been a week, and i'm feeling much better. I'm just stressed out. but I'm good
current mood:  morose
|
|
( *Make a Wish* )
|
|
Tuesday, April 22nd, 2003
|
|
1:45 pm - Spilling My Guts
|
Yes I know It's been since November since you have heard from me. I've turned into a anti-social old lady, that has no passion for life. My life has turned to shit right before my eyes. I hope some of you read this, so maybe I can talk to yall. I miss you!
First off I'm moving in a month away from everything I've known for 10 years. It's really pulling me apart. I go to connecticut every weekend to see my boyfriend who hasnt really been giving me boyfriendish attention, or anythign for that matter. WE'll get into that later.
I miss all my friends so much, but for some reason everytime I go to call or make plans I just chicken out, and sit on my butt for the rest of the day. I havn't gone to a show in over 10 months. I've lost contact will all of my closest friends and I cry all the time over it. Now moving away I will definatly never see anyone. If anyone wants to do anything please call me. I'm pretty desperate for some social acceptance.
Now my boyfriend matt. I love him so much, but I dont think the feeling is mutual. Its been almost a year and he hasn't even really said anything about his feelings toward me, except don't worry you are my girlfriend. I guess its too much to ask for a simple I love you. He's been spending most of his time with his friend, about 5 days a week. I feel sort of neglected, I know its wrong of me but its what i feel. When I'm with him, I want to do things but he never seems to want to do them. He says girlfriends and friends are different, you do different things with your friends than your girlfriend. Well what the fuck do you do with your girlfriend. Sit around the house all day, until one of your friends come over. And I sit there occupying myself.
I dont know what to do anymore. I'm just so depressed. I feel so alone. My only friend now is my mom and thats pitiful. I feel like such a loser. The only way I make myself happy is by buying stuff off the internet, and waiting for it to come. I can't wait to go to sleep at night, because thats the only time I dont have to worry about everything. I just need some support. Please don't blame me for anything i've done. If you are reading this I'm glad you care. I appreciate it so much.
current mood:  lonely
current music: The Used - On my Own
|
|
(4 Wishes | *Make a Wish* )
|
|
Sunday, November 3rd, 2002
|
|
10:07 pm
|
|
|
|
10:01 pm - ; )
|
Life is good Life is sweet! Thanks Honey!
current mood:  loved
current music: Sparta- Cut your Ribbon
|
|
( *Make a Wish* )
|
|
Wednesday, October 30th, 2002
|
|
12:49 pm - FUCKIN YEAH
|
|
|
Wednesday, September 11th, 2002
|
|
10:13 pm - =(
|
|
What can I do to make me better.. There's no one left around.. everyone's always busy. I have no time now all i do is go to school and do homework. I'm only happy Thursday through sunday when I'm not in this crap hole. I feel so unattractive, I need some positive reinforcement or sumthing. Wow i just feel like crap i need a hug and someone to say they care
|
|
(8 Wishes | *Make a Wish* )
|
|
|
10:11 pm
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
nikelz's journal
lethargic
